Kill Me, Heal Me
by Sadistic-X-Masochistic
Summary: "I never thought it would hurt this way. Love is not supposed to be like this...Is it?" Lee realizes that he has made far too many mistakes, but can a certain bushy-browed sensei right his wrongs? GaiLee, LeeGaa, NejiLee-ABUSE
1. Chapter 1

**A GaiLee fanfic, written by GaiLeeGaa-Luvr1/ShoulderDevil ('Sensei'), and X-****Panda****-Chan-X/VampyWillSuckYourBlood ('Vampy')**

**Summary: "I never thought it would hurt this way. Love is not supposed to be like this...Is it?" Lee realizes that he has made far too many mistakes, but can a certain bushy-browed sensei right his wrongs? GaiLee, LeeGaa, NejiLee-ABUSE**

**Warning: Abuse, Emo, Suicide, Romance, LeeGaa, GaiLee, Hurt**

**Kill Me, Heal Me**

_I've had enough_ Lee thought, tracing his index finger over the fresh bruises on his toned abdomen. A soft sigh left his lips as he heard the front door to his house open. Hastily, he pulled his tight long-sleeved green shirt over the injuries. _Green..._ Once, his favourite colour - Now a mask over his true pain.

"Lee!" Called a familiar voice from the hallway.

Neji.

"In the bathroom." Lee replied in a monotonous voice. It was already dusk. The black-haired male opened the bathroom door, and then stepped out in the hallway, meeting Neji's cold grey eyes. He had to tell him today - he had to tell him that enough was enough - that the abuse could go on no longer.

Being beaten up on a daily basis made him feel weak, it made him feel submissive and vulnerable - pathetic, even. The pent up anger inside him made him no better than Neji himself – as when his boyfriend, Gaara would come home from work, Lee always fucked him. Sometimes without lube or stretching. He would fuck him so hard that it caused horrible pain, yet Lee needed to feel dominant.

He felt like a monster for hurting the poor redhead, yet he couldn't stop inducing pain upon him. Their relationship wasn't getting any stronger either. They argued almost every day, and Gaara would walk out, not returning for days. They were going to break up soon, and knowing that broke Lee's heart.

He took a deep breath and tried to speak, but no sound came out. How could he tell him? How could he ever turn his best friend away? His only friend?  
>"What is it?" Neji asked, eyeing Lee thoughtfully.<p>

"N-Nothing…" Lee averted his gaze to the window, noticing how the black clouds, heavy with rain swirled together in the sky and blocked out the sun. There was a slight rumbling of thunder in the distance. He felt worried all of a sudden. Gaara was _terrified_ of storms, and he wasn't back from work yet. A slight pain in his wrist brought him back to reality. Neji was squeezing his arm painfully hard. Lee winced.

"You're lying." The Hyuuga hissed. "Tell me what you were going to say."

The leaf-nin trembled for a moment, before holding his breath. "I've had enough." He attempted bravely.

"What do you mean?" He spat.

"I've had enough, Neji! I've had enough of your abuse! You are ruining my relationship with Gaara-kun! You are making me feel weak! I just can't take it anymore!"

Neji was silent for a moment before he brought his hand to Lee's face, leaving a red mark. "Fine. If you don't want to be my friend anymore, fuck you. I couldn't give a shit. Just don't come crying to me when you're all alone!" And with that, the Hyuuga turned on his heel and stormed out. Lee felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his chest. He could finally breathe again.

Coming to his senses a few minutes later, Lee noticed the storm becoming considerably worse and decided it would be best to pick Gaara up from work, to spare the redhead having to walk home on his own in fear. He planned to apologize, and try to patch things up between them. He wanted to start their relationship anew, and made a promise to himself to treat his boyfriend better from now on. With a smile, Lee left the house and started to walk down the street, heading straight for Gaara's workplace. Everything seemed so much better now. Of course, he had lost a friend, but with the way Neji treated him, it was for the best anyway.

Lee walked into the reception area, before taking the elevator to Gaara's floor. As he waited outside the office door for his beloved, he caught a glimpse of Naruto inside through the tiny window. He was talking to Gaara, and both of them seemed oblivious to Lee's presence.

After a few moments, however, a horrifying sight met Lee's eyes.

They kissed.

Naruto kissed Gaara._ His_ Gaara.

Anger boiled in his chest. He expected the redhead to push him away, harshly tell the blonde that he was in a relationship with Lee and Lee only. But to the leaf-nin's horror, Gaara kissed back passionately, lovingly, before they pulled away and stared into each other's eyes. Gaara blushed and giggled shyly, before locking lips with Naruto yet again.

It was with great, stomach-lurching fear that Lee realized how Gaara was acting: smiling and giggling. Something he'd not done in front of Lee for at least three months. It soon became clear that there was nothing left for them anymore, nothing left of their relationship that was worth salvaging. His heart shattered in his chest and tears welled up in his eyes as he sent a death glare to Naruto, the person who was supposed to be his comrade, and Gaara's best friend. It was sickening. Truly sickening. Unable to watch any more, he ran out of the office, out of the building and straight back to his house whilst sobbing uncontrollably.


	2. Chapter 2

**A GaiLee fanfic, written by GaiLeeGaa-Luvr1/ShoulderDevil ('Sensei'), and X-****Panda****-Chan-X/VampyWillSuckYourBlood ('Vampy')**

**Summary: "I never thought it would hurt this way. Love is not supposed to be like this...Is it?" Lee realizes that he has made far too many mistakes, but can a certain bushy-browed sensei right his wrongs? GaiLee, LeeGaa, NejiLee-ABUSE**

**Warning: Abuse, Emo, Suicide, Romance, LeeGaa, GaiLee, Hurt**

**Kill Me, Heal Me – Chapter 2**

Gai had just gotten home from work, his jaw stiff, and his eyes sore. He had been in a rush in the morning, and had put his contacts in incorrectly, making his eyes sting the whole day through, and his jaw had been stretched from yelling at his class (that was full of childish 18 year olds).

He was glad he was finally home.

Once he got inside the dining room, he took of his black jacket and hung it over a chair. He jumped slightly when the front door opened, and his 'roommate', Lee, stormed through the door.

"Hi, Lee!"

Lee kept walking by Gai, his eyes downcast.

More tears poured down his face as he rushed to his room in the basement, slamming and locking the door. He saw it coming. It was no surprise Gaara cheated on him after all that he had done to him.

Lee was just surprised that they hadn't broken up sooner.

A knock rapped on his door, somehow breaking through the sounds of his sobs. "Lee, are you okay?"  
>Gai was like a father to him; After his mother and father died when he was 16, Gai took Lee in, caring for the child and making him break out of his shell of depression.<p>

Lee sniffled and wiped his eyes. "I w-want to be alone… please…" He then broke into another fit of sobs. _Worthless. That's what I am. Worthless. I'm not good enough for anybody  
><em>A nearby knife caught his attention, so he picked it up, examining to sharpness of the blade before digging it deep into the flesh of his wrist.__It stung, the velvet red of his blood flowed over his rough skin. But, somehow, the pain wasn't so bad.

What he felt in his heart was a thousand times worse.

A small choked, pained sob came from his mouth, and when Gai heard it, he began punching at the door. "LEE, OPEN UP THIS INSTANCE!"


	3. Chapter 3

**A GaiLee fanfic, written by GaiLeeGaa-Luvr1/ShoulderDevil ('Sensei'), and X-****Panda****-Chan-X/VampyWillSuckYourBlood ('Vampy')**

**Summary: "I never thought it would hurt this way. Love is not supposed to be like this...Is it?" Lee realizes that he has made far too many mistakes, but can a certain bushy-browed sensei right his wrongs? GaiLee, LeeGaa, NejiLee-ABUSE**

**Warning: Abuse, Emo, Suicide, Romance, LeeGaa, GaiLee, Hurt**

**Kill Me, Heal Me – Chapter 3**

Lee remained silent, dragging the knife up his wrist yet again. He watched the crimson liquid pour from his wounds and smirked inwardly. He felt no pain at all; the black-haired boy was completely numb to all feelings. The only pain he felt was in his broken heart  
>Gai banged and banged on the door, his fists becoming raw. Tears stung his eyes, as he cried out for Lee. Finally coming to his senses, Gai ran to the garage and grabbed a hammer, thinking he could break the door handle with it.<p>

He desperately did so, smashing and battering the door handle with every ounce of strength he had. Fortunately after a few more hits, the handle flew off and Gai rushed inside, horrified by what he saw.

"O-oh, God, Lee!" Gai stood at the doorway, staring widely at what was before him.  
>Lee had fallen to his side, blood seeping out of two large cuts in his wrists, a false, broken smile spreading on his face.<p>

"What…" Gai ran over to Lee's body, feeling his pulse, tears falling down his cheeks.

"W-what did you do?" He whispered, wrapping tourniquets around Lee's bleeding wrists.

"Why, Lee? Why?" A shiver went up his spine. It must have been something awful that happened for Lee to do that to himself - the Karate Sensei was so positive and happy all the time! What on earth would make him bring himself to self-harm? He was the one who'd stopped Gaara from almost killing him in the dojo years before. "You hypocrite." Gai whispered.

As Gai drove to the hospital, he kept looking over at Lee's body, feeling his pulse every few minutes, checking that he was still with him.

"Oh, Lee…please, stay with me."

His cellphone ringed, making his leg vibrate slightly. He pressed the BlueTooth button on his Volkswagen Jetta, bringing the phone up on his mirror.

"Maito Gai, here."

"Gai, what the fuck!"

_Kakashi._ His best friend, who had become a great medic.

"Can't talk. Bringing Lee over-"

"Will you tell me what happened so I know what I'm dealing wit-"

"Severe cut to the wrists." And the phone hung up.

-

"Okay, Gai. He's stable, and his wrists have been stitched up, but he's going to be woozy for the next week or so."

Gai nodded, his eyes even more red than they were when he got home, red from crying and red from lack of sleep.

When Kakashi's pager went off, Gai nodded to him as Kakashi began to run off.

"Feel free to go see him!"

Gai sighed and yawned, making his way over to Lee's room.

_May as well get some sleep in his room_


	4. Chapter 4

**A GaiLee fanfic, written by GaiLeeGaa-Luvr1/ShoulderDevil ('Sensei'), and X-****Panda****-Chan-X/VampyWillSuckYourBlood ('Vampy')**

**Summary: "I never thought it would hurt this way. Love is not supposed to be like this...Is it?" Lee realizes that he has made far too many mistakes, but can a certain bushy-browed sensei right his wrongs? GaiLee, LeeGaa, NejiLee-ABUSE**

**Warning: Abuse, Emo, Suicide, Romance, LeeGaa, GaiLee, Hurt**

**Kill Me, Heal Me – Chapter 4**

When Gai got in there, Lee was unconscious and his wrists harboured bloody bandages, which the nurse in the room proceeded to unravel. Gai watched, his heart breaking when he saw the numerous deep lacerations to Lee's normally soft skin. The thing that saddened him the most was that Lee couldn't tell him what had happened.

When the nurse left the room, she nodded at Gai, closing the door behind him.

Gai, being himself, wanted to go over to Lee, scoop him up into his arms, and rock him close, whisper to him that he was safe.

But, _that_ was not an option.

"D-damnit, Lee!" Gai was glaring in Lee's direction. His anger bubbling up in his veins, rage showing in his eyes. "Why?..." Tears escaped his closed lids, his body lurching to the ground, his body erupting in an almighty scream.

"WHY!"

-

_I've been screaming on the inside, and I know you feel my pain. Can you hear me? Can you hear me?_

Gai had set up his IPod and his docking station next to his bed, playing the music while Lee was unconscious. _Evanescence_, one of the bands Lee was constantly listening too.

_My heart is broken, sweet sleep, my dark angel. Deliver us from sorrows hold._  
>Whenever Gai stepped into the room, he had to turn off this certain album, the songs pulling at the inside of his chest.<p>

_Suicide, death, depression._That was all Gai could think of when he heard this band.

And despised it.

Except for one particular song.

Gai played with the buttons of the docking station, he found the song. He began to hum the tune as the second verse began.

_As much as I'd like the past not to exist, it still does. And as much as I'd like to feel like I belong here, I'm just as scared as you. I have nothing left, and all I feel is this cruel wanting. We've been falling for all this time. And, now, I'm lost in paradise. Run away, run away. One day we won't feel this pain anymore. Take it all away, shadows of you. 'Cuz they won't let me go._

"G-gai…You like this song?"

Gai's eyes shot over to Lee's bed, widening as he saw Lee, sitting up in his bed, his back hunched over, his head cast down.

Gai stood frozen, and Lee knew that Gai was going to yell, scream; Ah, Hell, maybe even hit him.

"Gai-"

"You are forgiven, Lee…"

Lee looked up at Gai, a dead look in his eyes. "I was not going to apologize."

Gai blinked, and swallowed. Why was Lee being…such a fucking _hard ass_?

Lee leaned his head to the side, a sickening sound of a 'crack' filled the room. Gai  
>shivered, looking away from Lee as he did it again, and again.<p>

"Ah, that feels much better-"

"What were you going to say?"

Lee looked down at his arms; the red bandages, the needles in his skin. He wanted to rip  
>them all out. As his hand began playing with the windings around his wrists, Gai spoke out again, firmly.<p>

"Lee, for Fuck's sakes, _what were you going to say_?"

Lee looked up and gave him a fake smile. "You can expect me to do that again, Gai."

Gai glared at Lee, wanting to kick him in the shins. "You stupid brat, how could you do this to yourself?"

"Because Gaara broke my heart. Why does it matter if I live or die, Gai?"

Gai froze and blinked at Lee. So, _that's_ why he tried to-

That still wasn't an excuse.

"If I live, I will hurt myself even more with my worthless existence. So, if I were to die-"

"You have so much to live for, Lee."

Gai approached the bed, going down on his knees and lay his hand above Lee's. "Lee, you are worth so much, you have no idea. Why would you want to throw that all away just because of a bo-"

"You do not understand, Gai! I was _beating_ Gaara! What to know why? Because Neji was abusing me! I was defenseless and I took it out on Gaara, without wanting to! I loved him with everything that I am!" Tears spilt from Lee's dark brown eyes, betrayal flashing through them.

Gai looked away, his head spinning in a whirlwind of confusion. "Lee, Gaara is only one person. You will get over him and find someone new…"

"You fucking dick!"

Lee slapped Gai hard across the face, his bandages becoming loose. As Gai moved a hand up to touch his face, where he had been struck, Lee pushed Gai's hands away from his face. "If it is so fucking easy, then how come _you_ do not have a loved one? Huh?" Lee smirked in amusement, his adrenaline, triggered by wanting to make his point, began making his pulse spike, and his heart monitor go out of whack. But he didn't care.

"Lee, I have not taken another loved one because the person I love tried to kill himself while I was in their presence." Lee stopped where he was. He….He…

"Gai….Are you…."

Gai nodded, keeping his eyes away from Lee's pitiful gaze.

"Oh…I am sorry…Of course you are okay…You recover pretty fast."

_What_?

_**Lee had misunderstood him...**_


	5. Chapter 5

**A GaiLee fanfic, written by GaiLeeGaa-Luvr1/ShoulderDevil ('Sensei'), and X-****Panda****-Chan-X/VampyWillSuckYourBlood ('Vampy')**

**Summary: "I never thought it would hurt this way. Love is not supposed to be like this...Is it?" Lee realizes that he has made far too many mistakes, but can a certain bushy-browed sensei right his wrongs? GaiLee, LeeGaa, NejiLee-ABUSE**

**Warning: Abuse, Emo, Suicide, Romance, LeeGaa, GaiLee, Hurt**

**Kill Me, Heal Me – Chapter 5**

It took Lee a moment to think over what Gai said- and when it did, his heart immediately began to beat faster, and his face grew hot. Did Gai honestly... love him? "Are you kidding me?" Asked the black-haired boy sadly, expecting Gai to turn around and mock him for believing such a thing; but no, the man's expression remained serious as he nodded slowly, a slight blush gracing his cheeks.

Lee looked down at his hands, anger and lust bubbling inside of him. "Y-you….You are full of bullshi-" Before Lee could finish, Gai gripped Lee's shoulders and kissed him. Hard.

Lee pushed at Gai's chest. He didn't like this. What if-

"He's not coming back for you, Lee…" Gai sighed sadly, pulling back from Lee.

"H-how did…you know…..?"

"Because I won't let him... You deserve better." Gai replied simply, pressing his lips against Lee's yet again. He enjoyed how soft they were - and how sweet they tasted. He'd wanted to do this for so long, and after trying it, he yearned for more.

Lee's body shivered a little bit. Why….Did this feel so…i?right?/i

Gai pulled back again, wanting to dive in for more, yet again.

Before he could, Lee placed his hands on Gai's chest. "Stop…"

Gai blushed. "What? Why?" He asked. "Do you not love me?"

Lee shook his head. "You are like a father to me, Gai…..I do not know why this is happening…But I do not like it…"

He moved away slowly, feeling his heart break. "I-I'm sorry..."

Lee glared at him. "You should be. You are a teacher….What would people think of you?" Lee looked away from Gai, a pain in his chest beginning.

Gai remained silent and stared at the floor. Lee was being so cold with him... but why?  
>"It stemmed from <em>him<em> didn't it?"

Lee shot his head at Gai. "Him who? Surely you have been so blind to see what has been going on."

"It's Gaara! He's corrupted you!" Gai hissed, standing up. "I'll kill him!"

Lee yelled at Gai. "Gaara did _NOTHING_! Neji has been fucking beating me for forever! THAT IS WHY I AM SO FUCKED UP!"

"I blame both of them! And I won't let them get away with it!" Gai screamed, storming out of the room. He was furious beyond belief.

Lee began to panic, his chest spasming. "No, wait! Please, do not go!" Tears ran down his eyes as he tried to leave his bed.

A nurse came by and pushed Lee back down. "No, you must rest!" She told him sternly.  
>"No! Do not let him leave me!" Lee was thrashing around, sobbing heavily. "PLEASE, GAI, I LOVE YOU!"<p>

-

Gai rushed to Neji's house and threw a petrol bomb through the window, hoping to kill him. He heard a satisfying scream from inside and smirked before heading off to Gaara's house.

-

At the hospital, Lee was attacking numerous nurses and doctors who got in his way. He needed to get to Gai before…

"Lee, there you are!"

Lee turned around when he heard Gaara's voice, a look of worry on his face.

"No! Stay away from me!" A hysterical look displayed on Lee's face as Gaara moved closer  
>to him.<p>

"Lee? Baby, what's wron-"

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD!"

Tears spilled down Lee`s eyes, his body shaking, then falling on the ground.

He began having a heart attack.

-

Unable to find Gaara, Gai rushed back to the hospital, feeling that something was terribly wrong. Once he arrived in Lee's room, he growled, grabbed the redhead and slammed him into a wall. "You bastard! Look what you did to him!"

Gaara moved back from Gai, a look of confusion on his face. "What are you talking about? I came hear to see my boyfriend!"

Gai punched Gaara in the stomach, blood coming out of Gaara in a silent cough. "He tried to fucking _kill_ himself because of you. I seriously doubt you are his boyfriend!"

"W-what?" Gaara gasped, coughing out more blood as Gai punched him again.

"You don't deserve to live after what you've done to him!" Gai hissed, kicking him and  
>punching him over and over again.<p>

Gaara was screaming, the noises being heard by Kakashi, who came in and knocked Gai out.

"You," he glared at Gaara. "Get off my floor!" Gaara nodded as he ran off, his hands clutching his stomach Kakashi going over to Lee , picking him up and bringing him to his hospital room, checking on the rest of the staff as he left the room.


	6. Chapter 6

**A GaiLee fanfic, written by GaiLeeGaa-Luvr1/ShoulderDevil ('Sensei'), and X-****Panda****-Chan-X/VampyWillSuckYourBlood ('Vampy')**

**Summary: "I never thought it would hurt this way. Love is not supposed to be like this...Is it?" Lee realizes that he has made far too many mistakes, but can a certain bushy-browed sensei right his wrongs? GaiLee, LeeGaa, NejiLee-ABUSE**

**Warning: Abuse, Emo, Suicide, Romance, LeeGaa, GaiLee, Hurt**

Kill Me, Heal Me – Chapter 6

Two months passed by fairly quickly. Lee had gone through numerous rehab programs; Gai had been swamped with his classes, day and night; Gaara had been 'occupied' with his boss; and Neji's funeral had come and gone without much notice.

But, none the less, there were still problems with Lee. Emotional and physical problems.  
>Like, the what's and why's of him having erotic dreams about Gai…<p>

During his spare time, Lee would take out either a sketchbook or a notepad, and, whichever one he chose, he would draw or write.

_Blood stained sheets,_

_Shift as you pivot-_

_Towards the deathly ground:_

_The chamber of the_

_Evil that has ever consumed_

_Me._

_The darkness that_

_Will always consume this-_

_Hell's playground._

_Why you weep, child?_

_You're existence never_

_Ignored-_

_Only bloodied._

_By this sad_

_Fate._

-

Lee sighed deeply as he shifted in his spot, the soft music of_"Lost Angel's"*_ drifting into his head, the soft intro, blending into a dark rock that made him smiled.  
>Soft and innocent. Dark and deadly.<p>

Perfect combination.

-

Elsewhere, Gai was laying his head on his desk, his fingers taping the tabletop, the sound hypnotizing him into a daze.

_Lee, I love you…_

_Lee, I hate you…_

_Lee, you stupid child…_

_Lee, you poor innocent angel…_

Gai growled slightly and banged his forehead onto the stack of papers that he had rested his head upon.

_He really needed to get back to work._

Before he could lift his head again, he heard the noise of someone clearing their throat.

"Um, Mr. Maito, I was wondering if you could go over my essay?"

Gai looked up groggily, his eyes meeting with that of the ones of one of the class bad-asses.

_Kankouro_

Gaara's brother.

Gai cracked his neck and sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Yeah, sure. What you got for me?"

-

Gaara was smiling happily as he walked down the hallway to his bosses _office_. Naruto had called him in for a 'private meeting'.

He was practically jumping up and down as he walked.

When he reached the door of Naruto's office, he tapped his knuckles softly on the wood, hearing Naruto's soft 'Come in'.

When Gaara opened the door, Naruto was nowhere in sight. Gaara looked around, making a face of annoyance.

"Looking for someone?"


End file.
